Things Change Left, right, turn spin and SSSWWOOSSHH! Was all the crowd heard as I gently slammed the ball into the basket. That was the winning shot. 100-99 was the final scores that were read across the score boards. As I headed back to the benches to get my towel to wipe off all that sweat I created during the game camera men and women came flying toward me from left and right. "HEY ERIC, HOW YOU THINK YOUR OLD SCHOOL IS DOING THIS SESSION? You changed schools right?"
"I guess there doing alright. I’m not going to say they suck but they could do way better, but of course I believe my team is the BEST there is no doubt about that. We haven’t lost a game yet and were planning on not to."
" SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO NOT LOSE A GAME?"
"Well my teammates and I will continue to work harder."
"HOW DO YOU THINK THE NEWBIES ARE COMING ALONG?"
"To be honest I think there actually coming along well. They learn very quickly. Well excuse me but I have to go," I quickly said after I gave them my response. I was starting to feel overwhelm from all the microphones that were shoved in my face. I grabbed my towel and ran to the back of the gym where the locker room was located. I didn’t want my girl waiting all night so I just threw on my clothes instead taking a shower too. Jasmine Rayes was my girls’ name. MMmmmHhh this girl is everything to me. I would die for her if I had to. She had the most beautiful caramel skin that made me tangle whenever I held her in my arms. Now her smile it was just unbearable especially because her teeth were white as snow and the arch of her lips were perfectly placed to match with her face. Ooh how can I forget her big round hazel eyes. I just can’t say no to her when she gives me that puppy dog look. DAMN I love that girl. I couldn’t ask for more. As I was heading for the door my coach approached me. “Hey Eric, great work out there; I was very impressed. Not only was I impressed but Mr. Edison from Florida State College was to he also wants to offer you a full four year scholarship for basketball. What you think about that?” “Yooo coach are you serious!?! Don’t play with me like that!!” I excitedly said. So many thoughts were running through my mind I couldn’t think straight. Just as I was about to run off and find Mr. Edison I paused and asked my coach one last question. “Is Mr. Edison still here?” “No he had to leave early to attend to a meeting at the college, but he did give me his number so you can get in contact with him. Take out a piece of paper and pen so I can give you the number. “ “Alright coach. Excited as I was I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down the number really fast. Jasmine Rayes was my girls’ name. MMmmmHhh this girl is everything to me. I would die for her if I had to. She had the most beautiful caramel skin that made me tangle whenever I held her in my arms. Now her smile it was just unbearable especially because her teeth were white as snow and the arch of her lips were perfectly placed to match with her face. Ooh how can I forget her big round hazel eyes. I just can’t say no to her when she gives me that puppy dog look. DAMN I love that girl. I couldn’t ask for more. As I was heading for the door my coach approached me. “Hey Eric, great work out there; I was very impressed. Not only was I impressed but Mr. Edison from Florida State College was to he also wants to offer you a full four year scholarship for basketball. What you think about that?” “Yooo coach are you serious!?! Don’t play with me like that!!” I excitedly said. So many thoughts were running through my mind I couldn’t think straight. Just as I was about to run off and find Mr. Edison I paused and asked my coach one last question. “Is Mr. Edison still here?” “No he had to leave early to attend to a meeting at the college, but he did give me his number so you can get in contact with him. Take out a piece of paper and pen so I can give you the number. “ “Alright coach. Excited as I was I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down the number really fast. “Thanks coach!” I shouted as I ran out the locker after glancing at the time on my phone. It was a quarter to nine and I still was inside of the gym. Jasmine was going to be pissed. I could just see it coming. To my surprised she didn’t seem very pissed at all; actually she looked kind of confused. I didn’t know why but I pushed those thoughts to the side and gave her a big smile. “BABES!!!! You’re not going to believe this but Coach Mitchell just told me that a guy from Florida State wants to give me a FULL FOUR YEAR SCHOLARSHIP for basketball!! Can you believe that? “ I couldn’t control myself I was so freaking happy I picked Jasmine up and spun her in the air.
She looked at me and gave me a huge smile but I knew something was bugging her. What could it possibly be? Jasmine was getting straight A's and B's in all of her classes, she was accepted to more than 3 colleges, and she even was given a raise at her job. I was confused. What have I done wrong? I have given her everything my heart, my trust, and my time. I placed her down back on the floor and we began to walk to my car. It's a green Honda accord with a sun roof on the top, and a wing on the truck; it’s perfect for me. The truck is huge which is great because I can fit all my crap into. I wouldn't know what to do if my parents hadn't bought me this car. I glanced back at Jasmine who still had that puzzled look on her face. It was starting to piss me off that I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her so I stopped dead in my tracks and said, " Babes what is wrong? Don't tell me it's nothing because I can sense that something is bothering you. You’re barely speaking to me and you have this confused look on your face." "It really is no big deal I just have a major headache I'm just feeling stressed out these days. My mother is on my back a lot and it's killing me and I have so many projects I need to complete." "OOh babe why didn't you tell me that before the game I wouldn't have made you stayed. You could of have finished up your projects and gotten some rest.” “I don’t know I wasn’t thinking,” she stated quietly. We began walking in silence again. I knew she didn’t tell me the truth but I wasn’t going to force it out of her. I was tired and I didn’t have time for games. We finally arrived to the car. Being a gentlemen I opened Jasmine’s side first and then mines. “Ugh I so don’t feel good babe” she explained to me while she hovered over her stomach. I looked at her and asked her “babes are you sure you are okay?” There was a moment of silence till she told me to stop the car. “Babe, I have something to tell you…I never knew how to tell you this but….” As she wiped her mouth from the puke that came up…. “IM PREGNANT!” All I can do was look at her as we stopped at the red light not paying any attention to the vomit in my front seat. I never knew that something like this was ever going to happen. All of a sudden my tiredness became headaches, dizziness, and awkwardness. “Why didn’t you tell me before? This is crazy I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror here and there. I felt puzzled and never thought again that THIS was ever going to happen. All I can see my future is babies, cribs, bibs, and bottles. How was I going to be able to take care of this baby with my career ahead of me? “What do you plan on doing with it?!” I asked puzzled. “What do you mean IT? THIS IS OUR CHILD. But I don’t know.” She explained quietly. "Well you got to know soon. How far along are you?" "Uumm about a month and a half." She stated as she played tag with her feet.
I felt myself growing on with anger.
How the hell could she just go along with this for almost two months?
What was she thinking?
Does she not see where my life is heading? I have a four years scholarship waiting for me; I can't have a child. I don't even have the money to take care of a child.
I began to speed up a bit I was ready to take her home and take my ass to bed. I just wasn't in the mood for all of this.
We finally reached her house. I didn't even know how to react so I gave her a peck on her cheek. As I did this she slid quietly out of the car and slowly dragged her feet along the cement. What I usually did was wait until she reached the first step of her porch to drive off but today that wasn't happening. I drove off as soon as she stepped on the cement. I didn't have time for this bullshit. When I thought my day couldn’t get any worse than it was, it did. The sirens of d a police car grew louder and louder and followed behind me until I stopped. What the hell did I do now? I thought. I grabbed my licenses and got ready for the cop. He approached my car in an easy, smooth but slow gesture like I had all day. He asked me for my licenses and I gave it to him. Wanting to know what I did wrong I asked him. To my surprise he said went through a stop sign. a stop sign i repeated. where the hell was that? I paused for a second and asked him where the stop sign was located.
He said, "About five minutes away from here on Walethem and haven st.
I tried to picture the area but i just couldn't see it.
I told the officer that I had no clue the sign was there and that i was sorry. I guess the officer was having a good day because he left me with just a warning. Thank god because I can't afford a ticket right now and mom would have kicked my ass if she found out. I sat there for about another minute. I wanted to wait until the officer left and then I sped off.
I got home quicker than I knew it. All the lights were off so I knew my mother and little bother were sleeping. I opened the door quietly trying not to disturb them but my mother as usual got up.
“Eric is that you, she yelled.”
“Yes Ma it’s me Eric. Go back to sleep everythings fine,” I replied back and walked to my room.
I didn't have a messy room like most guys do.
It actually was pretty neat.
I had a king size bed that layed directly in the corner of my room across from my closet. My tv ws a different story. It was 32 inches and layed flat against my wall. I loved that thing. It always came in handy when the super bowl came around.
I couldn't ask for more.
I eased my t-shirt off because my body was stiff and threw it on my laundry bin.
I grabbed everything i needed to take my shower, like my towel, soap, and of course my basketball shorts. I headed to the bathroom and Layed my towel and shorts on the shelf. As i slowly undressed myself I felt the pain rush down my back. I felt like shit.
I stepped in the shower and faced towards the water. I held my hands up high like i was begging for change and rubbed the water against my face. All i could do was think about what my future could turn into.
I could already see my self going to the store more than three times a day to either to get more diapers, formula, or clothes. Not only would i have to go to the store but i would have to travel there on city transportation because I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy a car.
I shook my head real fast to get rid of all the negative thoughts. I didn’t want my life to be like that. I’m way to young to be living a mess. I shouldn’t even be thinking about kids right now. Im a freaking senior in high school! I want to party my ass off and not have to worry about anything except how am I getting home. After about twenty minutes of showering and thinking I turned the shower off and headed back to room. I threw my stuff on my dresser and laid in my bed.
CHAPTER 2 (jasmine)
He dropped me off right in front of my house. That was fine, but he didn't even wait for me to go inside. I don't understand why he is acting like this. I'm going through the same troubles as him except I'm the one who has to carry the baby for nine months. What he needs to do is get over himself.
I pulled my keys out of my bag and opened the door. The smell of freshly cooked Mac and cheese, corn bread, and grilled pork chops hit me right in my face. OOH! It seemed so good. I raced to kitchen to grab myself a plate I felt like I hadn't eaten all day. Damn this baby makes me eat a whole lot more. I already gained about five pounds in this one month. I guess my mom had heard me walk in the door because she had already started making my plate.
"Hey honey! How was your day? She asked in a happy tone.
"I guess it went ok. It could have been worse. Eric and the rest of the team won their game like always," I answered in low tone.
She must have sensed something was wrong because the tone in her voice tone had changed along with the expression of her face.
" what's going on baby?" she asked with a concern look.
Damn what should I say I thought? Should I tell her the truth or just lie and wait for a better time.
"It's nothing Ma. I just been real tired lately and stressed. I have so many things I have to do for school." I responded real quickly.
" Alright honey. When you need to talk or help I'm here. Take your plate I filled it up because I noticed you have been eating a lot more these past days. After that I think you should go and get some sleep. You’re starting to carry bags under your eye lids."
“Yea I know Ma I tried to cover them up with make-up but I’m guessing it hasn’t worked. So how was your day?”
“Uumm well honey I have some blush you can you. I used it a couple of times to take away the eye bags. It was a very busy day; I had a lot of patients but overall it was well. Actually one of the patients, Susan Gavin, was your third grade teacher at the New Beginners Academy. Do you remember her? “
“Yea I think I do remember her. Was she the lady who had that deep accent from the south? If so my friends and I always cracked jokes about her.’
“Hahaha! Yes honey that was her. She asked how you were doing and what colleges you were looking at. She has a couple of people that can hook you up with scholarships,” my mother said with a high pitch tone.
“Ooh great I could use some scholarships. She did she give you her number or email or something because I want to talk to her now.”
“She sure did give me her number. Let me go get it out my purse,” she said while she started walking away.
I finished the last bit of my food and washed my plate. As I was heading up the stairs to my room my mom finally came out with the number.
“Dang Ma took you forever to find that paper, I said while laughing.”
“Yea I know. I thought I had placed it in my purse but it was in my jacket pocket, she explained while handing me the paper.”
I read the numbers carefully on the paper, “Susan Gavin 617-436-0798. It was too late to call her; it was already going on nine thirty. I founded the paper back up and placed it in my pocket and headed to my room.
My room was located on the second floor of our town hose right by the bathroom. That way if I had to go pee really bad I’m right there next to the bathroom. Good plan huh?! My room was colored purple. Not a dark purple but a baby sort of purple. It was real cute. My comforter matched perfectly. It was that same light purple but had gold decorations over. I had a huge mirror on the wall. That’s one thing I couldn’t live without. I always have to make sure I look good before I leave my house. I undressed myself and hopped right into the PJ’s and then wrapped my hair. I couldn’t afford to mess my hair up; I just got it done on Wednesday.
Just before I laid in my bed I had to look at my stomach. I lift my shirt up and felt the round surface that was starting to form. It was getting bigger but only I noticed, well I believe I’m the only one that noticed. I stood there for a couple of more minutes just thinking and holding my belly.
What the hell was I going to do?
There are three options: abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. I know for a fact I’m not going to get an abortion. I wouldn’t be able to live with the fact that I killed my own child; A child that would have meant the world to me. “Adoption” I said out loud, I would have to look more into it. I would like to have my child grow up knowing its real mother but also would like for her/him to live with a family whose ready for a child.
I pulled my shirt down slowly and gently slid in my bed. Within seconds my back started to ache; from the bottom up. I guess it was what they called back spasms. I didn’t feel like getting up at all to find the medicine but I had no choice. Problem was it was in my mother’s room. I threw on my robe to cover up the little belly that was starting to appear. I eased my way down the hallway to my mother’s room.
“Honey is that you, my mother called out.”
Damn I thought I didn’t even make much noise and she heard me.
“Yea Ma it’s me.”
“Honey what are you doing up so late, she responded back.”
“I need some medicine my back is killing me, so I thought I could find some in your medicine cabinet, I quickly explained.”
“Oh alright I have some Advil on the top shelf, take two.”
"Thanks mom," I yelled as I quickly took the two Advils and went to my room. I could only take pills if I had water so I took my bottle of water off the dresser.
I held my head back and threw the pills in my mouth along with the water from the bottle. I headed back to bed still not feeling well but I knew the medicine would kick in eventually. The only problem now was I couldn’t go to sleep and that’s what I wanted to do the most. That was the only way I could run from my troubles. I pressed my eyes shut trying to make myself fall asleep, but that didn’t work so I stopped trying. Eventually my eyes became blurry and began to close.
CHAPTER 3
“CCLLAANNG” "CCLLAANNG” was the noise the alarm clock made as it spun out of control on the dresser. OOh FUCK was all I could think it was time for me to get up already.
It was 8:30 and I had to be to work by 10.
I felt as if I only had an hour to sleep. My back was throbbing and I knew within a half an hour I would throw up (morning sickness). It was a pain but I'm glad my mother hasn't noticed it. What I did was turn on the shower as I threw up to block out the noise. I slowly eased out of the bed and grabbed everything I needed to bring to the bathroom. I didn't want to have to run back and forth from my room and the bathroom, but before I went to the bathroom I laid my work clothes out on my bed along with my perfume, lotion, and powder.
After a hour of showering and getting my clothes on I headed to the kitchen. I was pretty hungry. My mother didn't cook anything so I had to fen for myself. I surely didn't want to cook a meal so I chose to eat the oatmeal in the packages. Peaches and cream was my favorite kind. I could eat that for every meal if I really wanted to.
I poured the freashly oats into a bowl while I heated up some water. I needed to make this quick I didn't have much time. Even though the water wasn't as hot as I wanted it to be I poured it into my bowl. I began eating like I haven't eaten in days. I had an half an hour until work started but it took me 20-25 mintues just to get there. I already been late twice this week so I couldn't mess today up.
I rushed and ate the cereal real fast. I grabbed my bag and slipped my shoes on fast. Out the door I went running for the bus. I had just made it to the stop when the bus came to a stop. I jumped on out of breath. I tapped my card and sat down in between these two over weight men. I had no other choice, it was the only seat left on the whole bus. I could not stand up for more than five minutes with out getting tired.
Their smell made me sick to my stomach. The two men wore old white t-shirts that had pain on them. They had blue jeans and old boots on too. They smelled of some type of forighn spices. What and where ever the smell was coming from, I surely didn't like it. It made me wanna gag and throw up, it was unbearable. I sat there in between these huge men and held my breath. The about 20 minute bus ride needed to hurry up and be over with.
When it finally ended I squeezed through the huge over weight guy on my right to get to the doors. I arrived at my job right on time surprisingly. Being the second manager of the market I felt like I was on top of the world. NO more checking out people’s groceries instead I walked around the store to make sure everyone did what they were supposed to, and help direct shoppers. I took my place in the supermarket, which was in between aisle two and three. It was a little counter about the size of end-table. I guess it was nice to have something to call my own.
Time was actually flying by today weird thing was the store had been packed all day with people but it seem like everyone was doing their job.
The way the day was headed I thought my life was perfect. Just for a quick second. Things came to an end when a familiar body structure approached the entrance of the market. I knew who it was just from the frame, and curve of this guy’s body. It was Eric. Uugghh what the fuck was he doing here. I really didn’t feel like speaking to him after the way he acted the other day. He knew what we did could cause changes in both of our lives if things didn’t go as plan on that night of pleasure. How could he blame everything on me? At this point I had nothing to say to him and I didn’t expect him to chase me back so soon.
He walked over in a slow but forceful motion looking straight ahead like he was trying to figure out what to say. He began to open his mouth but closed it very quickly I guess he got a little nervous as he got closer.
On the corner of my eyes I could see my co-workers whispering from left to right because they knew he was my boyfriend. What they didn’t know was why he was here.
CHAPTER 4 (Eric)
I needed to talk to Jasmine soon. I was pissed with her but I still wanted to know what she was going to do with IT.
How could she be so freaking dumb though. She really should have told me when she first found out. What was I going to do? Keep the child or get rid of it I thought. Well if she got rid of it I could go on to my basketball career and if she didn’t then I would be stuck being a tried ass dad every day.
Today Jasmine was working so I thought I would stop by to see what she was doing with it (the baby)because I know she wasn’t going to call me up. I figured I would leave about fifteen minutes before twelve. That way I can give her some time to work since she starts at ten.
I continued lying in the bed there was no need for me to get up now. It was too early. I grabbed my Blackberry storm (the most popular phone out now) and signed on to Aim, the instant messenger. I needed someone to talk to. 200 people out of 250 of my friends were signed on so I had plenty of people to chat with. Question was who could I open myself up to? I was not going to tell just anyone because that’s how things spread throughout the high school. I surely didn’t need that. I was stuck between two people I could trust the most; Terrell and Jermaine.
Terrell was my boy from second grade we have been through a lot together. We fought continuously but made up eventually all throughout our lives and I even let him crash at my house when he got kicked out of his’ last year. Terrell was the kind of person who had your back whenever you were in trouble. He would do whatever he could just to help you. If you needed money and he was running low with his he would still give it to you and would not ask for it back when you did get money. Terrell was also my mom’s favorite because of his sweetness but also because he could cook his behind off. Whenever we had a get together Terrell would help my mother prepare marvelous dishes. Leaving people breathe less when they were done eating.
Jermaine on the other was my cousin. He was my mother's nephew. We do everything together. We even met our girlfriends together who are actually sisters. Weird huh. I told him everything and he tells me everything, well I hope he does. Jermaine was about 6'5 (real tall huh?!) and had nicely built structure. I guess it came from playing football all four years of high school.
What I liked about him was I could complain all day about something and he wouldn't even get mad, he would just listen.
I decided to aim Jermaine because I could tell him anything and he wouldn't snitch. Also because he was my cousin so he knew my mom way better than Terrell so he could help me decide on a way to tell them.
"HEY bro!" I quickly texted.
It took him a while to respond back. Maybe he was still asleep. I wasn't in a rush so I got up to grab a bite. As I hit the door of my room I could smell the freshly cooked pancakes my mother had to be making. That made me want to run to the kitchen instead of walk.
I loved when my mother cooked. She would put on her "I love my mom" apron and shut down the entrance of the kitchen so no would disturb her. But I guess the food was done because the kitchen entrance was open but she was no where to be found in it.
I grabbed two plates because my little brother came stumbling in after me with his little monkey slippers placed in his hands instead of on his feet.
"Hey little man! I said as I dropped the plates and lifted him up.
Jordan was his name. He had just turn three about a month ago. At his age he had a pretty small figure, but don't that figure fool you because he was prety heavy. It didn't bother me much because I held much heavier things when I lift wieghts. I placed him back down on the floor and continued to make our plates. Along with the pancakes there was bacon and eggs. I piled so much on my plate you couldn’t even see the design on the bottom of the plate. Now for my brother I had to break apart the pancakes so it could be easier for him to eat but the bacon and eggs he could eat with no problems. I placed the food down on the table and I lifted my brother up so I could place him in his high chair. I gave him his food. He acted as though he hadn’t eaten for days and stuffed everything in his mouth. I laughed at the sight of seeing this. It took us about a good ten minutes to finish our food. I wiped his hands and face and took him out the chair. He had a big goofy grin on his face
like he did something bad. I realized what he had done. I don’t know how he did it but he had my phone in his pants pocket. I took my phone as I looked at him giggle. I had an IM; it was Jeramine.
“ What’s gud Eric”
“Hey bro. took u a while to respond; were u sleep?” I quickly wrote back.
“Yea I had a late nite if u know wat I mean. Lolz”
“UUMMM I hope u used protection. I got something to tell u.”
“Ooh yea of course. Always. Wat is it?”
“I dnt know how to say this but uumm Jasmine is pregnant.”
“SSHHEESS WAT?????”
“umm pregnant.”
“How the hell did that happen? How could you let that happen?“
“I don’t know it just did ok”
“Alright man so wat are u going to do”
Guess take care of her until the baby comes then take it from there”
“ok if u say so…. Hit me up wit plans for tonight if ur getting into anything”
“ook bro.”
I signed off after that. I happened to look at the time and it was going on 11.30. I needed to be at Jasmine’s job at 12. So I took a shower and then threw on my levis jean with a white and black t-shirt and matching Jordans. I grabbed the my keys off the end table and headed to my car.
I had to park a little down from my house. The street was packed yesterday. I believe because of the cookout that Mr. and Ms. Grayson were having. They took up the whole street. I finally arrived to the car. I unlocked it and hopped right in it. I plugged up my iPod and put on Chris Brown - Deuces feat. Tyga & Kevin McCall. That was my favorite song for now. I eased on my seat belt and then turned on the car and headed to jasmine’s job. Compared to jasmine’s house it was quicker to get to her job from my house.
It took me only ten minutes even when I kept getting red lights. I parked the car in the lower part of the market garage. I got out the car and headed to the entrance. I was still thinking of what I was going to say so I walked a bit slower. I guess I didn’t walk slow enough because I reached to the entrance quick. Once I hit the door I noticed all eyes were on me along with some whispering. I wonder if Jasmine told them anything. As I walked toward her little desk I tried real hard to think of something to say. I started to say something but closed my mouth real quick. I think she noticed that because she gave me this weird look.
“What do you want?” she asked me with this rude tone.
“What do you mean what do I want and why the hell are you yelling.”
I was getting tired of her mood swings sometime she was happy and sometimes she could just be annoying.
“Like I said what do you want,” she restated again but this time with a meaner tone.
“I just wanted to know what you were doing with IT as in our child well if you haven’t done anything already. No need for the attitude.”
Uumm this girl thought I was playing with her. She has no idea what I got coming for her. You know what I’m not going to help at all. No need if I’m going to be giving an attitude.
“Eric why are you trying now to act like you care now!!. ” She yelled in rage.
“ Jasmine I always cared. I just didn’t know how to respond when you told me you were pregnant. How did you expect me to react? I just turned 18 and I was given a 4 year scholarship and having a kid will just mess everything up.”
I really did care but I also have my whole life ahead of me. I can’t be stopped now.
“MMMhh ok how you think I feel? I get good grades in school and I was accepted to multiple colleges. I'm not ready for a kid either. I don't understand how you think everything is about you. That's what I hate about you!" "I don't think everything’s about me. Right now I been offered something I never expected I would receive and I can’t have anything blocking my way.” “SSSoo WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? You don’t want me or the baby in your life for right now or forever? I don’t have time for your crap. You are so freaking selfish!” she yelled once more. I was pissed. The one time I try to do the right thing she wants to yell. She better not come knocking at my door when the baby’s born.
I was pissed so I didn’t even answer her question. I just walked away. The one time I try to do the right thing she wants to yell. She better not come knocking at my door when the baby’s born. I stormed right out of the supermarket. I wasn’t having that. She thought because she was at work she could speak to me like that. Please.
I got in my car and just drove around the city to take away all this anger and hatred I had inside of me. I really wasn’t selfish everything I done for her. Ooh please. She has no reason to call me selfish when I pick her up to take her home and to work. I gave her money also to get the things she needed and wanted. That girl is a freaken trip.
Honestly I don’t know what I want to do. I really need that scholarship this would make my life and my moms’ life so easier. On top of that we will have extra money in our pockets which is good for us because we’re in a recession. We have to save every penny we have and make. I just don't know what to do.
I drove around a couple more blocks and then decided to head back home. I needed a quiet area to just think. What do I really want?
What can I afford at this time? Where was the baby going to live once it was born? How is Jasmine and I going to survive with a child? Are we even going to stay together?
I tried to come up with as many answers as possible but they just didn't work. I still needed to tell my mother. What was I going to say to her "Jasmine's pregnant," and then walk away. No I couldn't do that I have to make it fit into what we will be talking about. All throughout my ride home I thought of all these things. I just didn't know what I was going to do.
I reached home and parked my car in the garage. I knew my mother was going to make me move it later but I didn't really care. I wasn't in the mood to park it way down the street and then walk back to the house. That was way too much work. What I needed to do was lay down in my bed and think of solutions.
I grabbed my bag out the car and headed to my room. Once I got to my room I threw my bad to the left and swung my body back on the bed.
As I was about to close my eyes my phone began to ring. Who could that be? I talked to everyone I needed to this morning and Jeramine wouldn't call to chill it's too early. I moved my arm to the right of my bed where my phone sat on top of my end table.
I opened my mouth slowly and said, "Hello."
"Hello is this Mr. Eric? a man with a deep voice asked.
"Yes his is Eric speaking. May i ask whose calling?" I said in a confused tone.
"Oh yes I'm Mr. Edison from Florida State College. I'm calling to ask you if you accept my offer on the 4 year scholarship." I was shocked I didn’t know he had my number. I wasn’t even expecting him to call, especially today. What the hell was I suppose to say I didn’t have an answer for him right now. I covered the phone and cleared my voice and sat up straight.
“Yes I would love to take your scholarship but I need a little bit more time to talk with my family about the situation,” good thinking I thought as I finished up my statement. Hopefully he will give me extra tme to think about it.
"Well Mr.Eric I can give you another few days to think and discuss about it but I need your answer by the next time I talk to you. If you don't want it tell me sooner then later so I can move on to the next person. It's a really good opportunity. I just don't want you to miss out on something special," he said lastly. "Well thank you or checking up on me and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Once again thank you Mr. Edison."
"You welcome and have a nice day, he said as I was about to click the phone off."
I really didn't expect him to call so soon. This made things worse now I have to hurry up and make my decision. Problem is I still had no clue which side I'm leaning towards. I would love to join Florida State College but I also need to take action for my mistakes. Of course I would love my child and want to be with him or her but am just way too young to take on all the responsibility that goes into being a parent. I just can't do it. Honestly I don't feel bad leaving Jasmine alone since she acts as if she has it all. She can do what she want and not tell me. If she's going to keep acting like that I don't need her I have better things to do.
I placed my phone back on the end table and got comfortable all over again. This time hopefully no one should be calling.
Chapter 5 (Jasmine)
Can you believe Eric had the nerve to come to my job and act innocent. Like he tried to help all along with the baby situation. Honestly he made it even more difficult. I would rather raise the baby on my own then to deal with his selfishness. So I guess I just made my decision it I'm going to keep the baby. I still need to tell my mom. I know she's going to have a fit, but I hope so she doesn't explode to the point where as she kicks me out. I defiantly wouldn’t be able to financially take care of my baby. As I kept thinking about the baby I remembered I had a doctor appointment coming up soon. Should I tell her before or after the appointment. I don’t know. I’ll find the right time eventually.
I don't know how am going to raise this baby but I feel as if I should.
It's my duty and I would feel horrible if I ever got an abortion. That's like me killing my child myself!
I just wouldn't be able to live with that. I'm it's mother and I believe I should do all I can to raise my child in the right direction with or without Eric's help. I finished up my last hour at work with my stomach killing me, and an attitude that wouldn't go away. Luckily my boss was nowhere to be found in the store because he would have sent me home early. I haven't told him yet either so he would just probably think I'm being rude on purpose. I really do need to tell him though so I can be on maternity leave a little before the baby is due. I wonder what the sex of the baby is? I thought as I waited for the bus. I wouldn't know until I was about four months but I'm so eager to find out. If it is a girl than I'm going to buy pink and brown things for her and if it's a boy I'm going to buy green and blue things.
I was actually beginning to enjoy thinking about the baby in general. Like what it's favorite colors are going to be, what kind of things am I going to buy for the baby. I was excited about my future but also scared of what my mothers' going to say. I sat there in silence as the bus rolled up towards me and the other people that stood nearby.
Here we go again I thought.
The bus was steaming hot as usual as I walk up the steep stairs.I quickly took my sweater off because I felt my underarms getting a little moist. As usual the fat guy was on the bus this time I didn’t sit next to him. I don’t where he goes but I always see him when I’m heading to work and when I’m leaving work; weird huh. Well I had a sit to myself which was pretty good because I wasn’t in the mood for a stranger to be sitting next to me on this hot bus. Not only would they make me hotter but their body would be rubbing against mines. That’s pretty nasty. I shook my head to take away the nasty thoughts that played in my mind. I sat there in silence once again. No dreams, no thoughts just pure silence
until I got off the bus.
The bus finally came to my stop on the corner of Bolívar and Havana Street. I eased up off my seat and headed down the stairs. There must have been a party going on or some kind of function on our street because there were kids everywhere. I eased through the street dodging each kid that came my way. They either had a basketball, football, or were rolling on skates. I was aggravating so picked up my pace and walked like I was in a rush. I got home in no time.
I guess it was the perfect time to tell my mother because no one else was home but the two of us. She laid underneath her covers that flowed across her queen size bed. Her room was beautiful. It had a mixture of olive green and burgundy shades. I walked along her bed and gently sat down on the curb of her lovely bed.
I guess she was a little confused on what I wanted because I barely sat on her bed. I started to talk but it came out as mumbles so I stopped.
Tried again and said, "Mom I got something to tell you."
"Yes honey bun what is it?" She said with a concern tone. "I don't want you to be mad. I will help you through whatever the trouble is."
"Mom I'm pregnant..." I said in a low voice.
Her express on her face changed so quick I didn't know how to react. I had to admit I was pretty scared on what she was going to say.
She looked at me with look of disappointment and said, “How could you! I taught you everything on how to protect yourself and we even talked.”
"Mom I don't know. Things happen. The condom broke I guess and we didn't notice. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry..." that was I could think of saying. I was really scared as hell. Was she going to kick me out, call Eric, or make me have an abortion?
“So what are going to do?” She asked me as she stared at me without blinking.
“Well I decided I wanted to raise the baby on my own, while if you want to help that’s fine too but for right now Eric’s not in the picture.”
“And how do you plan to raise this baby. Baby’s need a lot I hope you know that. As of right now I’m not helping you. You can create a bay you can take care of a baby. Also what happen with Eric?”
“Well I do have a job so that money I make goes to the baby. Yea mom I know a baby is a lot of work but I feel as though it’s my duty to keep this baby and raise it the proper way. MMmmmHhh and Eric, honestly I don’t want to talk about him. He has done nothing to help me, no decision help on whether or not we want to keep and raise this baby. Like I said before mom I know it's a lot of work but I believe I can handle it with the help of you of course. Weelllll if you want to help me"... I said looking down as I wiggled my feet in nervousness. "I told you as of right now I'm not helping but if I see you really struggling then I'll think about stepping in. You can stay here but I don't want to hear you complain about anything or you’re out!" she said with a strict but high pitch tone that made me what to bust out laughing. I held it in with all my might what I didn't need was my mom yelling at me some more especially at this time. I was in enough trouble. I got myself back together and dout her room as she waved me on with her last statement.
I thought she would react totally different from how she actually did. I thought she would have been throwing things at me and then kicked me out of the house but I guess not.
I was glad too because I had nowhere to go if she did. Eric and I weren't speaking, I didn't want to get my girl friends involve, and I definitely didn't want my grandmother and grandfather to know. They wold kill me if they knew. Hopefully my mother wouldn’t go and run her mouth. I really didn’t need them as in my grandparents being mad at me. I already had a list of people on that side. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but that's still a lo of people to be mad at me right now. As I was thinking these things I walked back to my room and grabbed my poetry notebook. That was the only thing that I could express my feelings to and it would listen. The only way to take away my pain and sufferings and the only way I could get my ideas down. I started jotting down these such as,
"You don't what It feels like to be hated by many when you done something hurtful to yourself,
You don't know how bad I want to switch that lever on to make the water pour slowly down my face,
You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes
I wish we could transfer into each other’s body's so I can show you just how Live..."
Well that was just the beginning of my thoughts so far. I closed my book; I just wanted to get a few ideas down. I placed the notebook on the side of my bed right by the lamp. I leaned my arm back over to where the rest of my body was and placed it on my growing stomach. It was weird knowing that I had something so tiny but powerful growing in me. In a couple of months I would be able to feel the kick of him or her. I was excited for what was to come. What I also needed to focus on was what school was I going to. I wouldn't be able to live on campus because of the baby so I would have to pick a school close to home. I had a few a few colleges in mind but which one would be the best. I wanted to do something in the medical field but I didn't really care what.
I removed my hand off my belly and turned over to my left side. My stomach started hurting a bit.
summary: so Eric gets into a car accident and almost dies. He figures out what he needs to do with his life and trys to step up (change his ways like his attitude, and help support the new coming baby). Jasmine acept Eric back and eventually has the baby. The baby is a girl. Something Jasmine really wanted. Jasmines mom changes her way. She see's that she needs to be more supprtive and starts helping out with the baby... more to come
Left, right, turn spin and SSSWWOOSSHH! Was all the crowd heard as I gently slammed the ball into the basket. That was the winning shot. 100-99 was the final scores that were read across the score boards. As I headed back to the benches to get my towel to wipe off all that sweat I created during the game camera men and women came flying toward me from left and right.
"HEY ERIC, HOW YOU THINK YOUR OLD SCHOOL IS DOING THIS SESSION? You changed schools right?"
"I guess there doing alright. I’m not going to say they suck but they could do way better, but of course I believe my team is the BEST there is no doubt about that. We haven’t lost a game yet and were planning on not to."
" SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO NOT LOSE A GAME?"
"Well my teammates and I will continue to work harder."
"HOW DO YOU THINK THE NEWBIES ARE COMING ALONG?"
"To be honest I think there actually coming along well. They learn very quickly. Well excuse me but I have to go," I quickly said after I gave them my response. I was starting to feel overwhelm from all the microphones that were shoved in my face. I grabbed my towel and ran to the back of the gym where the locker room was located. I didn’t want my girl waiting all night so I just threw on my clothes instead taking a shower too.
Jasmine Rayes was my girls’ name. MMmmmHhh this girl is everything to me. I would die for her if I had to. She had the most beautiful caramel skin that made me tangle whenever I held her in my arms. Now her smile it was just unbearable especially because her teeth were white as snow and the arch of her lips were perfectly placed to match with her face. Ooh how can I forget her big round hazel eyes. I just can’t say no to her when she gives me that puppy dog look. DAMN I love that girl. I couldn’t ask for more.
As I was heading for the door my coach approached me.
“Hey Eric, great work out there; I was very impressed. Not only was I impressed but Mr. Edison from Florida State College was to he also wants to offer you a full four year scholarship for basketball. What you think about that?”
“Yooo coach are you serious!?! Don’t play with me like that!!” I excitedly said. So many thoughts were running through my mind I couldn’t think straight. Just as I was about to run off and find Mr. Edison I paused and asked my coach one last question.
“Is Mr. Edison still here?”
“No he had to leave early to attend to a meeting at the college, but he did give me his number so you can get in contact with him. Take out a piece of paper and pen so I can give you the number. “
“Alright coach. Excited as I was I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down the number really fast. Jasmine Rayes was my girls’ name. MMmmmHhh this girl is everything to me. I would die for her if I had to. She had the most beautiful caramel skin that made me tangle whenever I held her in my arms. Now her smile it was just unbearable especially because her teeth were white as snow and the arch of her lips were perfectly placed to match with her face. Ooh how can I forget her big round hazel eyes. I just can’t say no to her when she gives me that puppy dog look. DAMN I love that girl. I couldn’t ask for more.
As I was heading for the door my coach approached me.
“Hey Eric, great work out there; I was very impressed. Not only was I impressed but Mr. Edison from Florida State College was to he also wants to offer you a full four year scholarship for basketball. What you think about that?”
“Yooo coach are you serious!?! Don’t play with me like that!!” I excitedly said. So many thoughts were running through my mind I couldn’t think straight. Just as I was about to run off and find Mr. Edison I paused and asked my coach one last question.
“Is Mr. Edison still here?”
“No he had to leave early to attend to a meeting at the college, but he did give me his number so you can get in contact with him. Take out a piece of paper and pen so I can give you the number. “
“Alright coach. Excited as I was I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down the number really fast.
“Thanks coach!” I shouted as I ran out the locker after glancing at the time on my phone.
It was a quarter to nine and I still was inside of the gym. Jasmine was going to be pissed. I could just see it coming.
To my surprised she didn’t seem very pissed at all; actually she looked kind of confused. I didn’t know why but I pushed those thoughts to the side and gave her a big smile.
“BABES!!!! You’re not going to believe this but Coach Mitchell just told me that a guy from Florida State wants to give me a FULL FOUR YEAR SCHOLARSHIP for basketball!! Can you believe that? “
I couldn’t control myself I was so freaking happy I picked Jasmine up and spun her in the air.
She looked at me and gave me a huge smile but I knew something was bugging her. What could it possibly be?
Jasmine was getting straight A's and B's in all of her classes, she was accepted to more than 3 colleges, and she even was given a raise at her job. I was confused. What have I done wrong? I have given her everything my heart, my trust, and my time.
I placed her down back on the floor and we began to walk to my car. It's a green Honda accord with a sun roof on the top, and a wing on the truck; it’s perfect for me. The truck is huge which is great because I can fit all my crap into. I wouldn't know what to do if my parents hadn't bought me this car.
I glanced back at Jasmine who still had that puzzled look on her face. It was starting to piss me off that I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her so I stopped dead in my tracks and said, " Babes what is wrong? Don't tell me it's nothing because I can sense that something is bothering you. You’re barely speaking to me and you have this confused look on your face."
"It really is no big deal I just have a major headache I'm just feeling stressed out these days. My mother is on my back a lot and it's killing me and I have so many projects I need to complete."
"OOh babe why didn't you tell me that before the game I wouldn't have made you stayed. You could of have finished up your projects and gotten some rest.”
“I don’t know I wasn’t thinking,” she stated quietly.
We began walking in silence again. I knew she didn’t tell me the truth but I wasn’t going to force it out of her. I was tired and I didn’t have time for games. We finally arrived to the car. Being a gentlemen I opened Jasmine’s side first and then mines.
“Ugh I so don’t feel good babe” she explained to me while she hovered over her stomach. I looked at her and asked her “babes are you sure you are okay?” There was a moment of silence till she told me to stop the car.
“Babe, I have something to tell you…I never knew how to tell you this but….” As she wiped her mouth from the puke that came up…. “IM PREGNANT!”
All I can do was look at her as we stopped at the red light not paying any attention to the vomit in my front seat. I never knew that something like this was ever going to happen. All of a sudden my tiredness became headaches, dizziness, and awkwardness.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? This is crazy I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror here and there. I felt puzzled and never thought again that THIS was ever going to happen. All I can see my future is babies, cribs, bibs, and bottles. How was I going to be able to take care of this baby with my career ahead of me?
“What do you plan on doing with it?!” I asked puzzled.
“What do you mean IT? THIS IS OUR CHILD. But I don’t know.” She explained quietly.
"Well you got to know soon. How far along are you?"
"Uumm about a month and a half." She stated as she played tag with her feet.
I felt myself growing on with anger.
How the hell could she just go along with this for almost two months?
What was she thinking?
Does she not see where my life is heading? I have a four years scholarship waiting for me; I can't have a child. I don't even have the money to take care of a child.
I began to speed up a bit I was ready to take her home and take my ass to bed. I just wasn't in the mood for all of this.
We finally reached her house. I didn't even know how to react so I gave her a peck on her cheek. As I did this she slid quietly out of the car and slowly dragged her feet along the cement. What I usually did was wait until she reached the first step of her porch to drive off but today that wasn't happening. I drove off as soon as she stepped on the cement. I didn't have time for this bullshit.
When I thought my day couldn’t get any worse than it was, it did. The sirens of d a police car grew louder and louder and followed behind me until I stopped. What the hell did I do now? I thought.
I grabbed my licenses and got ready for the cop. He approached my car in an easy, smooth but slow gesture like I had all day. He asked me for my licenses and I gave it to him. Wanting to know what I did wrong I asked him. To my surprise he said went through a stop sign. a stop sign i repeated. where the hell was that?
I paused for a second and asked him where the stop sign was located.
He said, "About five minutes away from here on Walethem and haven st.
I tried to picture the area but i just couldn't see it.
I told the officer that I had no clue the sign was there and that i was sorry. I guess the officer was having a good day because he left me with just a warning. Thank god because I can't afford a ticket right now and mom would have kicked my ass if she found out. I sat there for about another minute. I wanted to wait until the officer left and then I sped off.
I got home quicker than I knew it. All the lights were off so I knew my mother and little bother were sleeping. I opened the door quietly trying not to disturb them but my mother as usual got up.
“Eric is that you, she yelled.”
“Yes Ma it’s me Eric. Go back to sleep everythings fine,” I replied back and walked to my room.
I didn't have a messy room like most guys do.
It actually was pretty neat.
I had a king size bed that layed directly in the corner of my room across from my closet. My tv ws a different story. It was 32 inches and layed flat against my wall. I loved that thing. It always came in handy when the super bowl came around.
I couldn't ask for more.
I eased my t-shirt off because my body was stiff and threw it on my laundry bin.
I grabbed everything i needed to take my shower, like my towel, soap, and of course my basketball shorts. I headed to the bathroom and Layed my towel and shorts on the shelf. As i slowly undressed myself I felt the pain rush down my back. I felt like shit.
I stepped in the shower and faced towards the water. I held my hands up high like i was begging for change and rubbed the water against my face. All i could do was think about what my future could turn into.
I could already see my self going to the store more than three times a day to either to get more diapers, formula, or clothes. Not only would i have to go to the store but i would have to travel there on city transportation because I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy a car.
I shook my head real fast to get rid of all the negative thoughts. I didn’t want my life to be like that. I’m way to young to be living a mess. I shouldn’t even be thinking about kids right now. Im a freaking senior in high school! I want to party my ass off and not have to worry about anything except how am I getting home. After about twenty minutes of showering and thinking I turned the shower off and headed back to room. I threw my stuff on my dresser and laid in my bed.
CHAPTER 2 (jasmine)
He dropped me off right in front of my house. That was fine, but he didn't even wait for me to go inside. I don't understand why he is acting like this. I'm going through the same troubles as him except I'm the one who has to carry the baby for nine months. What he needs to do is get over himself.
I pulled my keys out of my bag and opened the door. The smell of freshly cooked Mac and cheese, corn bread, and grilled pork chops hit me right in my face. OOH! It seemed so good. I raced to kitchen to grab myself a plate I felt like I hadn't eaten all day. Damn this baby makes me eat a whole lot more. I already gained about five pounds in this one month. I guess my mom had heard me walk in the door because she had already started making my plate.
"Hey honey! How was your day? She asked in a happy tone.
"I guess it went ok. It could have been worse. Eric and the rest of the team won their game like always," I answered in low tone.
She must have sensed something was wrong because the tone in her voice tone had changed along with the expression of her face.
" what's going on baby?" she asked with a concern look.
Damn what should I say I thought? Should I tell her the truth or just lie and wait for a better time.
"It's nothing Ma. I just been real tired lately and stressed. I have so many things I have to do for school." I responded real quickly.
" Alright honey. When you need to talk or help I'm here. Take your plate I filled it up because I noticed you have been eating a lot more these past days. After that I think you should go and get some sleep. You’re starting to carry bags under your eye lids."
“Yea I know Ma I tried to cover them up with make-up but I’m guessing it hasn’t worked. So how was your day?”
“Uumm well honey I have some blush you can you. I used it a couple of times to take away the eye bags. It was a very busy day; I had a lot of patients but overall it was well. Actually one of the patients, Susan Gavin, was your third grade teacher at the New Beginners Academy. Do you remember her? “
“Yea I think I do remember her. Was she the lady who had that deep accent from the south? If so my friends and I always cracked jokes about her.’
“Hahaha! Yes honey that was her. She asked how you were doing and what colleges you were looking at. She has a couple of people that can hook you up with scholarships,” my mother said with a high pitch tone.
“Ooh great I could use some scholarships. She did she give you her number or email or something because I want to talk to her now.”
“She sure did give me her number. Let me go get it out my purse,” she said while she started walking away.
I finished the last bit of my food and washed my plate. As I was heading up the stairs to my room my mom finally came out with the number.
“Dang Ma took you forever to find that paper, I said while laughing.”
“Yea I know. I thought I had placed it in my purse but it was in my jacket pocket, she explained while handing me the paper.”
I read the numbers carefully on the paper, “Susan Gavin 617-436-0798. It was too late to call her; it was already going on nine thirty. I founded the paper back up and placed it in my pocket and headed to my room.
My room was located on the second floor of our town hose right by the bathroom. That way if I had to go pee really bad I’m right there next to the bathroom. Good plan huh?! My room was colored purple. Not a dark purple but a baby sort of purple. It was real cute. My comforter matched perfectly. It was that same light purple but had gold decorations over. I had a huge mirror on the wall. That’s one thing I couldn’t live without. I always have to make sure I look good before I leave my house. I undressed myself and hopped right into the PJ’s and then wrapped my hair. I couldn’t afford to mess my hair up; I just got it done on Wednesday.
Just before I laid in my bed I had to look at my stomach. I lift my shirt up and felt the round surface that was starting to form. It was getting bigger but only I noticed, well I believe I’m the only one that noticed. I stood there for a couple of more minutes just thinking and holding my belly.
What the hell was I going to do?
There are three options: abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. I know for a fact I’m not going to get an abortion. I wouldn’t be able to live with the fact that I killed my own child; A child that would have meant the world to me. “Adoption” I said out loud, I would have to look more into it. I would like to have my child grow up knowing its real mother but also would like for her/him to live with a family whose ready for a child.
I pulled my shirt down slowly and gently slid in my bed. Within seconds my back started to ache; from the bottom up. I guess it was what they called back spasms. I didn’t feel like getting up at all to find the medicine but I had no choice. Problem was it was in my mother’s room. I threw on my robe to cover up the little belly that was starting to appear. I eased my way down the hallway to my mother’s room.
“Honey is that you, my mother called out.”
Damn I thought I didn’t even make much noise and she heard me.
“Yea Ma it’s me.”
“Honey what are you doing up so late, she responded back.”
“I need some medicine my back is killing me, so I thought I could find some in your medicine cabinet, I quickly explained.”
“Oh alright I have some Advil on the top shelf, take two.”
"Thanks mom," I yelled as I quickly took the two Advils and went to my room. I could only take pills if I had water so I took my bottle of water off the dresser.
I held my head back and threw the pills in my mouth along with the water from the bottle. I headed back to bed still not feeling well but I knew the medicine would kick in eventually. The only problem now was I couldn’t go to sleep and that’s what I wanted to do the most. That was the only way I could run from my troubles. I pressed my eyes shut trying to make myself fall asleep, but that didn’t work so I stopped trying. Eventually my eyes became blurry and began to close.
CHAPTER 3
“CCLLAANNG” "CCLLAANNG” was the noise the alarm clock made as it spun out of control on the dresser. OOh FUCK was all I could think it was time for me to get up already.
It was 8:30 and I had to be to work by 10.
I felt as if I only had an hour to sleep. My back was throbbing and I knew within a half an hour I would throw up (morning sickness). It was a pain but I'm glad my mother hasn't noticed it. What I did was turn on the shower as I threw up to block out the noise. I slowly eased out of the bed and grabbed everything I needed to bring to the bathroom. I didn't want to have to run back and forth from my room and the bathroom, but before I went to the bathroom I laid my work clothes out on my bed along with my perfume, lotion, and powder.
After a hour of showering and getting my clothes on I headed to the kitchen. I was pretty hungry. My mother didn't cook anything so I had to fen for myself. I surely didn't want to cook a meal so I chose to eat the oatmeal in the packages. Peaches and cream was my favorite kind. I could eat that for every meal if I really wanted to.
I poured the freashly oats into a bowl while I heated up some water. I needed to make this quick I didn't have much time. Even though the water wasn't as hot as I wanted it to be I poured it into my bowl. I began eating like I haven't eaten in days. I had an half an hour until work started but it took me 20-25 mintues just to get there. I already been late twice this week so I couldn't mess today up.
I rushed and ate the cereal real fast. I grabbed my bag and slipped my shoes on fast. Out the door I went running for the bus. I had just made it to the stop when the bus came to a stop. I jumped on out of breath. I tapped my card and sat down in between these two over weight men. I had no other choice, it was the only seat left on the whole bus. I could not stand up for more than five minutes with out getting tired.
Their smell made me sick to my stomach. The two men wore old white t-shirts that had pain on them. They had blue jeans and old boots on too. They smelled of some type of forighn spices. What and where ever the smell was coming from, I surely didn't like it. It made me wanna gag and throw up, it was unbearable. I sat there in between these huge men and held my breath. The about 20 minute bus ride needed to hurry up and be over with.
When it finally ended I squeezed through the huge over weight guy on my right to get to the doors.
I arrived at my job right on time surprisingly. Being the second manager of the market I felt like I was on top of the world. NO more checking out people’s groceries instead I walked around the store to make sure everyone did what they were supposed to, and help direct shoppers. I took my place in the supermarket, which was in between aisle two and three. It was a little counter about the size of end-table. I guess it was nice to have something to call my own.
Time was actually flying by today weird thing was the store had been packed all day with people but it seem like everyone was doing their job.
The way the day was headed I thought my life was perfect. Just for a quick second. Things came to an end when a familiar body structure approached the entrance of the market. I knew who it was just from the frame, and curve of this guy’s body. It was Eric.
Uugghh what the fuck was he doing here. I really didn’t feel like speaking to him after the way he acted the other day. He knew what we did could cause changes in both of our lives if things didn’t go as plan on that night of pleasure. How could he blame everything on me? At this point I had nothing to say to him and I didn’t expect him to chase me back so soon.
He walked over in a slow but forceful motion looking straight ahead like he was trying to figure out what to say. He began to open his mouth but closed it very quickly I guess he got a little nervous as he got closer.
On the corner of my eyes I could see my co-workers whispering from left to right because they knew he was my boyfriend. What they didn’t know was why he was here.
CHAPTER 4 (Eric)
I needed to talk to Jasmine soon. I was pissed with her but I still wanted to know what she was going to do with IT.
How could she be so freaking dumb though. She really should have told me when she first found out. What was I going to do? Keep the child or get rid of it I thought. Well if she got rid of it I could go on to my basketball career and if she didn’t then I would be stuck being a tried ass dad every day.
Today Jasmine was working so I thought I would stop by to see what she was doing with it (the baby)because I know she wasn’t going to call me up.
I figured I would leave about fifteen minutes before twelve. That way I can give her some time to work since she starts at ten.
I continued lying in the bed there was no need for me to get up now. It was too early. I grabbed my Blackberry storm (the most popular phone out now) and signed on to Aim, the instant messenger. I needed someone to talk to. 200 people out of 250 of my friends were signed on so I had plenty of people to chat with. Question was who could I open myself up to? I was not going to tell just anyone because that’s how things spread throughout the high school. I surely didn’t need that. I was stuck between two people I could trust the most; Terrell and Jermaine.
Terrell was my boy from second grade we have been through a lot together. We fought continuously but made up eventually all throughout our lives and I even let him crash at my house when he got kicked out of his’ last year. Terrell was the kind of person who had your back whenever you were in trouble. He would do whatever he could just to help you. If you needed money and he was running low with his he would still give it to you and would not ask for it back when you did get money. Terrell was also my mom’s favorite because of his sweetness but also because he could cook his behind off. Whenever we had a get together Terrell would help my mother prepare marvelous dishes. Leaving people breathe less when they were done eating.
Jermaine on the other was my cousin. He was my mother's nephew. We do everything together. We even met our girlfriends together who are actually sisters. Weird huh. I told him everything and he tells me everything, well I hope he does. Jermaine was about 6'5 (real tall huh?!) and had nicely built structure. I guess it came from playing football all four years of high school.
What I liked about him was I could complain all day about something and he wouldn't even get mad, he would just listen.
I decided to aim Jermaine because I could tell him anything and he wouldn't snitch. Also because he was my cousin so he knew my mom way better than Terrell so he could help me decide on a way to tell them.
"HEY bro!" I quickly texted.
It took him a while to respond back. Maybe he was still asleep. I wasn't in a rush so I got up to grab a bite. As I hit the door of my room I could smell the freshly cooked pancakes my mother had to be making. That made me want to run to the kitchen instead of walk.
I loved when my mother cooked. She would put on her "I love my mom" apron and shut down the entrance of the kitchen so no would disturb her. But I guess the food was done because the kitchen entrance was open but she was no where to be found in it.
I grabbed two plates because my little brother came stumbling in after me with his little monkey slippers placed in his hands instead of on his feet.
"Hey little man! I said as I dropped the plates and lifted him up.
Jordan was his name. He had just turn three about a month ago. At his age he had a pretty small figure, but don't that figure fool you because he was prety heavy. It didn't bother me much because I held much heavier things when I lift wieghts.
I placed him back down on the floor and continued to make our plates. Along with the pancakes there was bacon and eggs. I piled so much on my plate you couldn’t even see the design on the bottom of the plate. Now for my brother I had to break apart the pancakes so it could be easier for him to eat but the bacon and eggs he could eat with no problems. I placed the food down on the table and I lifted my brother up so I could place him in his high chair. I gave him his food. He acted as though he hadn’t eaten for days and stuffed everything in his mouth. I laughed at the sight of seeing this.
It took us about a good ten minutes to finish our food. I wiped his hands and face and took him out the chair. He had a big goofy grin on his face
like he did something bad. I realized what he had done. I don’t know how he did it but he had my phone in his pants pocket. I took my phone as I looked at him giggle. I had an IM; it was Jeramine.
“ What’s gud Eric”
“Hey bro. took u a while to respond; were u sleep?” I quickly wrote back.
“Yea I had a late nite if u know wat I mean. Lolz”
“UUMMM I hope u used protection. I got something to tell u.”
“Ooh yea of course. Always. Wat is it?”
“I dnt know how to say this but uumm Jasmine is pregnant.”
“SSHHEESS WAT?????”
“umm pregnant.”
“How the hell did that happen? How could you let that happen?“
“I don’t know it just did ok”
“Alright man so wat are u going to do”
Guess take care of her until the baby comes then take it from there”
“ok if u say so…. Hit me up wit plans for tonight if ur getting into anything”
“ook bro.”
I signed off after that. I happened to look at the time and it was going on 11.30. I needed to be at Jasmine’s job at 12. So I took a shower and then threw on my levis jean with a white and black t-shirt and matching Jordans. I grabbed the my keys off the end table and headed to my car.
I had to park a little down from my house. The street was packed yesterday. I believe because of the cookout that Mr. and Ms. Grayson were having. They took up the whole street. I finally arrived to the car. I unlocked it and hopped right in it. I plugged up my iPod and put on Chris Brown - Deuces feat. Tyga & Kevin McCall. That was my favorite song for now. I eased on my seat belt and then turned on the car and headed to jasmine’s job. Compared to jasmine’s house it was quicker to get to her job from my house.
It took me only ten minutes even when I kept getting red lights. I parked the car in the lower part of the market garage. I got out the car and headed to the entrance. I was still thinking of what I was going to say so I walked a bit slower. I guess I didn’t walk slow enough because I reached to the entrance quick. Once I hit the door I noticed all eyes were on me along with some whispering. I wonder if Jasmine told them anything. As I walked toward her little desk I tried real hard to think of something to say. I started to say something but closed my mouth real quick. I think she noticed that because she gave me this weird look.
“What do you want?” she asked me with this rude tone.
“What do you mean what do I want and why the hell are you yelling.”
I was getting tired of her mood swings sometime she was happy and sometimes she could just be annoying.
“Like I said what do you want,” she restated again but this time with a meaner tone.
“I just wanted to know what you were doing with IT as in our child well if you haven’t done anything already. No need for the attitude.”
Uumm this girl thought I was playing with her. She has no idea what I got coming for her. You know what I’m not going to help at all. No need if I’m going to be giving an attitude.
“Eric why are you trying now to act like you care now!!. ” She yelled in rage.
“ Jasmine I always cared. I just didn’t know how to respond when you told me you were pregnant. How did you expect me to react? I just turned 18 and I was given a 4 year scholarship and having a kid will just mess everything up.”
I really did care but I also have my whole life ahead of me. I can’t be stopped now.
“MMMhh ok how you think I feel? I get good grades in school and I was accepted to multiple colleges. I'm not ready for a kid either. I don't understand how you think everything is about you. That's what I hate about you!"
"I don't think everything’s about me. Right now I been offered something I never expected I would receive and I can’t have anything blocking my way.” “SSSoo WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? You don’t want me or the baby in your life for right now or forever? I don’t have time for your crap. You are so freaking selfish!” she yelled once more. I was pissed. The one time I try to do the right thing she wants to yell. She better not come knocking at my door when the baby’s born.
I was pissed so I didn’t even answer her question. I just walked away. The one time I try to do the right thing she wants to yell. She better not come knocking at my door when the baby’s born. I stormed right out of the supermarket. I wasn’t having that. She thought because she was at work she could speak to me like that. Please.
I got in my car and just drove around the city to take away all this anger and hatred I had inside of me.
I really wasn’t selfish everything I done for her. Ooh please. She has no reason to call me selfish when I pick her up to take her home and to work. I gave her money also to get the things she needed and wanted. That girl is a freaken trip.
Honestly I don’t know what I want to do. I really need that scholarship this would make my life and my moms’ life so easier. On top of that we will have extra money in our pockets which is good for us because we’re in a recession. We have to save every penny we have and make. I just don't know what to do.
I drove around a couple more blocks and then decided to head back home. I needed a quiet area to just think. What do I really want?
What can I afford at this time? Where was the baby going to live once it was born? How is Jasmine and I going to survive with a child? Are we even going to stay together?
I tried to come up with as many answers as possible but they just didn't work. I still needed to tell my mother. What was I going to say to her "Jasmine's pregnant," and then walk away. No I couldn't do that I have to make it fit into what we will be talking about. All throughout my ride home I thought of all these things. I just didn't know what I was going to do.
I reached home and parked my car in the garage. I knew my mother was going to make me move it later but I didn't really care. I wasn't in the mood to park it way down the street and then walk back to the house. That was way too much work. What I needed to do was lay down in my bed and think of solutions.
I grabbed my bag out the car and headed to my room. Once I got to my room I threw my bad to the left and swung my body back on the bed.
As I was about to close my eyes my phone began to ring. Who could that be? I talked to everyone I needed to this morning and Jeramine wouldn't call to chill it's too early. I moved my arm to the right of my bed where my phone sat on top of my end table.
I opened my mouth slowly and said, "Hello."
"Hello is this Mr. Eric? a man with a deep voice asked.
"Yes his is Eric speaking. May i ask whose calling?" I said in a confused tone.
"Oh yes I'm Mr. Edison from Florida State College. I'm calling to ask you if you accept my offer on the 4 year scholarship."
I was shocked I didn’t know he had my number. I wasn’t even expecting him to call, especially today. What the hell was I suppose to say I didn’t have an answer for him right now. I covered the phone and cleared my voice and sat up straight.
“Yes I would love to take your scholarship but I need a little bit more time to talk with my family about the situation,” good thinking I thought as I finished up my statement. Hopefully he will give me extra tme to think about it.
"Well Mr.Eric I can give you another few days to think and discuss about it but I need your answer by the next time I talk to you. If you don't want it tell me sooner then later so I can move on to the next person. It's a really good opportunity. I just don't want you to miss out on something special," he said lastly.
"Well thank you or checking up on me and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Once again thank you Mr. Edison."
"You welcome and have a nice day, he said as I was about to click the phone off."
I really didn't expect him to call so soon. This made things worse now I have to hurry up and make my decision. Problem is I still had no clue which side I'm leaning towards. I would love to join Florida State College but I also need to take action for my mistakes. Of course I would love my child and want to be with him or her but am just way too young to take on all the responsibility that goes into being a parent. I just can't do it. Honestly I don't feel bad leaving Jasmine alone since she acts as if she has it all. She can do what she want and not tell me. If she's going to keep acting like that I don't need her I have better things to do.
I placed my phone back on the end table and got comfortable all over again. This time hopefully no one should be calling.
Chapter 5 (Jasmine)
Can you believe Eric had the nerve to come to my job and act innocent. Like he tried to help all along with the baby situation. Honestly he made it even more difficult. I would rather raise the baby on my own then to deal with his selfishness. So I guess I just made my decision it I'm going to keep the baby. I still need to tell my mom. I know she's going to have a fit, but I hope so she doesn't explode to the point where as she kicks me out. I defiantly wouldn’t be able to financially take care of my baby. As I kept thinking about the baby I remembered I had a doctor appointment coming up soon. Should I tell her before or after the appointment. I don’t know. I’ll find the right time eventually.
I don't know how am going to raise this baby but I feel as if I should.
It's my duty and I would feel horrible if I ever got an abortion.
That's like me killing my child myself!
I just wouldn't be able to live with that. I'm it's mother and I believe I should do all I can to raise my child in the right direction with or without Eric's help.
I finished up my last hour at work with my stomach killing me, and an attitude that wouldn't go away. Luckily my boss was nowhere to be found in the store because he would have sent me home early. I haven't told him yet either so he would just probably think I'm being rude on purpose. I really do need to tell him though so I can be on maternity leave a little before the baby is due. I wonder what the sex of the baby is? I thought as I waited for the bus. I wouldn't know until I was about four months but I'm so eager to find out. If it is a girl than I'm going to buy pink and brown things for her and if it's a boy I'm going to buy green and blue things.
I was actually beginning to enjoy thinking about the baby in general. Like what it's favorite colors are going to be, what kind of things am I going to buy for the baby. I was excited about my future but also scared of what my mothers' going to say. I sat there in silence as the bus rolled up towards me and the other people that stood nearby.
Here we go again I thought.
The bus was steaming hot as usual as I walk up the steep stairs.I quickly took my sweater off because I felt my underarms getting a little moist. As usual the fat guy was on the bus this time I didn’t sit next to him. I don’t where he goes but I always see him when I’m heading to work and when I’m leaving work; weird huh.
Well I had a sit to myself which was pretty good because I wasn’t in the mood for a stranger to be sitting next to me on this hot bus. Not only would they make me hotter but their body would be rubbing against mines. That’s pretty nasty. I shook my head to take away the nasty thoughts that played in my mind. I sat there in silence once again. No dreams, no thoughts just pure silence
until I got off the bus.
The bus finally came to my stop on the corner of Bolívar and Havana Street. I eased up off my seat and headed down the stairs. There must have been a party going on or some kind of function on our street because there were kids everywhere. I eased through the street dodging each kid that came my way. They either had a basketball, football, or were rolling on skates. I was aggravating so picked up my pace and walked like I was in a rush. I got home in no time.
I guess it was the perfect time to tell my mother because no one else was home but the two of us. She laid underneath her covers that flowed across her queen size bed. Her room was beautiful. It had a mixture of olive green and burgundy shades. I walked along her bed and gently sat down on the curb of her lovely bed.
I guess she was a little confused on what I wanted because I barely sat on her bed.
I started to talk but it came out as mumbles so I stopped.
Tried again and said, "Mom I got something to tell you."
"Yes honey bun what is it?" She said with a concern tone. "I don't want you to be mad. I will help you through whatever the trouble is."
"Mom I'm pregnant..." I said in a low voice.
Her express on her face changed so quick I didn't know how to react. I had to admit I was pretty scared on what she was going to say.
She looked at me with look of disappointment and said, “How could you! I taught you everything on how to protect yourself and we even talked.”
"Mom I don't know. Things happen. The condom broke I guess and we didn't notice. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry..." that was I could think of saying. I was really scared as hell. Was she going to kick me out, call Eric, or make me have an abortion?
“So what are going to do?” She asked me as she stared at me without blinking.
“Well I decided I wanted to raise the baby on my own, while if you want to help that’s fine too but for right now Eric’s not in the picture.”
“And how do you plan to raise this baby. Baby’s need a lot I hope you know that. As of right now I’m not helping you. You can create a bay you can take care of a baby. Also what happen with Eric?”
“Well I do have a job so that money I make goes to the baby. Yea mom I know a baby is a lot of work but I feel as though it’s my duty to keep this baby and raise it the proper way. MMmmmHhh and Eric, honestly I don’t want to talk about him. He has done nothing to help me, no decision help on whether or not we want to keep and raise this baby. Like I said before mom I know it's a lot of work but I believe I can handle it with the help of you of course. Weelllll if you want to help me"... I said looking down as I wiggled my feet in nervousness.
"I told you as of right now I'm not helping but if I see you really struggling then I'll think about stepping in. You can stay here but I don't want to hear you complain about anything or you’re out!" she said with a strict but high pitch tone that made me what to bust out laughing. I held it in with all my might what I didn't need was my mom yelling at me some more especially at this time. I was in enough trouble. I got myself back together and dout her room as she waved me on with her last statement.
I thought she would react totally different from how she actually did. I thought she would have been throwing things at me and then kicked me out of the house but I guess not.
I was glad too because I had nowhere to go if she did. Eric and I weren't speaking, I didn't want to get my girl friends involve, and I definitely didn't want my grandmother and grandfather to know. They wold kill me if they knew.
Hopefully my mother wouldn’t go and run her mouth. I really didn’t need them as in my grandparents being mad at me. I already had a list of people on that side. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but that's still a lo of people to be mad at me right now. As I was thinking these things I walked back to my room and grabbed my poetry notebook. That was the only thing that I could express my feelings to and it would listen. The only way to take away my pain and sufferings and the only way I could get my ideas down.
I started jotting down these such as,
"You don't what It feels like to be hated by many when you done something hurtful to yourself,
You don't know how bad I want to switch that lever on to make the water pour slowly down my face,
You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes
I wish we could transfer into each other’s body's so I can show you just how Live..."
Well that was just the beginning of my thoughts so far. I closed my book; I just wanted to get a few ideas down. I placed the notebook on the side of my bed right by the lamp. I leaned my arm back over to where the rest of my body was and placed it on my growing stomach. It was weird knowing that I had something so tiny but powerful growing in me. In a couple of months I would be able to feel the kick of him or her. I was excited for what was to come. What I also needed to focus on was what school was I going to. I wouldn't be able to live on campus because of the baby so I would have to pick a school close to home. I had a few a few colleges in mind but which one would be the best. I wanted to do something in the medical field but I didn't really care what.
I removed my hand off my belly and turned over to my left side. My stomach started hurting a bit.
summary: so Eric gets into a car accident and almost dies. He figures out what he needs to do with his life and trys to step up (change his ways like his attitude, and help support the new coming baby). Jasmine acept Eric back and eventually has the baby. The baby is a girl. Something Jasmine really wanted. Jasmines mom changes her way. She see's that she needs to be more supprtive and starts helping out with the baby... more to come