{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"25168637","dateCreated":"1276470935","smartDate":"Jun 13, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25168637"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Sunday","description":"Jake:
\n
\nYOu finished your story--and then deleted it! Perhaps it self-destructed. You have quite a final scene. You rush through it a bit, but I know you have other work to get done for this week. It's clear that you enjoyed writing this story, and this has made it fun to read, too. We'll find some time this week to sneak into the lab so you can print it out. It will be fun for you to rediscover what you've done 10 years from now.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"25169115","body":"WHAT!!! It self destructed?
\nThat's weird. I'll fix it right now.","dateCreated":"1276473421","smartDate":"Jun 13, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"jakec_fischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jakec_fischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"25169117","body":"WHAT!!! It self destructed?
\nThat's weird. I'll fix it right now.","dateCreated":"1276473422","smartDate":"Jun 13, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"jakec_fischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jakec_fischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"25162277","dateCreated":"1276438788","smartDate":"Jun 13, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25162277"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Saturday","description":"Seems like you're getting a little distracted with side details, but it's clear that you are into good hotel bathrooms and breakfasts, so perhaps you're allowed to indulge. The plot is moving towards a sort of climax (right?) with a show down between the gang and B's father. See if you can get to this before time runs out.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"25032841","dateCreated":"1276012537","smartDate":"Jun 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25032841"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Monday","description":"Your paragraphs remain too long! You're jamming several different actions into a single paragraph, making it very hard to follow. As complicated as your plot is, it's really crucial that you format this in a way that's easier to read. (Why can't I convince you of this! Stop it!!!!)
\n
\nI'm not sure where the crew is at this point. I know they escaped by heading into hyper-space, but I'm not sure where they are now. In a different galaxy? somewhere else on the same planet? Help!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24999039","dateCreated":"1275925606","smartDate":"Jun 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24999039"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Sunday","description":"Your story is starting to come unglued a little bit, so watch out. Some of the details--the crazy car and all the tasering--seem a bit unnecessary, and this makes me take your story less seriously. Have fun--that's fine. But try to keep it under control. You want me to get sucked up in the action. At some points recently, I've found myself saying, "this is silly."
\n
\nOther parts are great. You're developing the conflict nicely and moving forward with the quest. Keep focusing on this.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24952087","dateCreated":"1275680676","smartDate":"Jun 4, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24952087"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Friday's post","description":"What???
\n
\nWho is this Anne? How did she get these powers? She's a big mystery to me: scholar, subject to coma-like trances, and now able to provide warp speed abilities????
\n
\nInteresting way to get yourself out of this corner.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"24981333","body":"No, the warp speed is a technology that Ann installed on the old car. Perhaps I should make that clearer.
\n
\nAnd Ann has purposely remained mysterious for the introductory part of the story. Her identity, and abilities, will make themselves known in the end of the novella.","dateCreated":"1275858026","smartDate":"Jun 6, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"jakec_fischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jakec_fischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"24901411","dateCreated":"1275564286","smartDate":"Jun 3, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24901411"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wednesday's post","description":"And so the action continues! You found a way to get them stuck again, and this keeps your plot going. I'm not sure how Becker got so many people to help him out. Who are these 50+ people who have surrounded the car? Perhaps we'll learn this soon. (Also, I don't remember anything about Anne's surgery. Is that a new detail or did I miss something?)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"24924575","body":"You missed it. Go back to the part about Uncle, near the beginning.","dateCreated":"1275605898","smartDate":"Jun 3, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"jakec_fischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jakec_fischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"24839149","dateCreated":"1275411091","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24839149"},"dateDigested":1532128355,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"weekend post","description":"You got a lot done last night. Because you were writing so quickly, you tended to leave out paragraph breaks, making a lot of this hard to read, but perhaps you can go back and work on that. Long paragraphs are very, very hard to follow.
\n
\nHere's what confuses me: now that they've recovered the orb, what will drive the story? The conflict seems resolved, so I'm not sure what you're next move will be. I suspect you have a plan, though...right?
\n
\nSo: try to quickly establish what conflict remains so we have some direction...and shift back to reasonably-sized paragraphs.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24826111","dateCreated":"1275394660","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24826111"},"dateDigested":1532128356,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"credit for second deadline","description":"45\/45 (4500 new words)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24719965","dateCreated":"1274987217","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24719965"},"dateDigested":1532128356,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Thursday's post","description":"I'm a little confused. Why will the thieves come after Ann? don't they already have what they want (the Orb)?
\n
\nI like how you're building up some suspense and how you're now taking a lot more time to develop your scenes. This makes the reading much more engaging and fun.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24707167","dateCreated":"1274974459","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Bendaman94","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Bendaman94","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24707167"},"dateDigested":1532128356,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"!!!","description":"What a great thriller! The first 2\/3 of this novella kept me on my toes and made me constantly read what was going to happen. Although it was confusing at times, maybe because you rushing the plot, I like how you start in the middle of your action.
\n
\nI hope you know where you're going with the novella. As for the next 1\/3 of the novella, I feel you could add more dialogue between the characters, perhaps for character development. Although you have some imagery, I think even some more imagery would work in terms of bringing the character into your sci-fi fantasy world. All in all, it's creative, intense, well transitioned, but rushed. But maybe that's intentional.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}