{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"25155821","dateCreated":"1276386203","smartDate":"Jun 12, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25155821"},"dateDigested":1532128349,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Saturday","description":"OK, I can accept this. It seemed as if you had a more complicated, psychological plan when you started, but the focus on power and revenge certainly makes sense. It seems like J had opportunities that D did not, and that, too, might have played into his motivation. Something happened that day when the two of them went on the bus down town that first time that seems (to me) significant, something that established a life-long tension. I'm not sure I can quite put my finger on it, but, were you to revise this novella 25 years from now, I'd urge you to return to it.
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\nIt's clear that you had fun with this project and, in Jacob, you created a rich and complicated character. Were you to write to the very end of your plot, I suspect that you'd have another 15,000 words (or more). Perhaps a project for your future.
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\nLet's find some time this week to get you to the lab so you can print out a hard copy of what you have. I think you'll enjoy opening up a shoe box many years from now and re-discovering this.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"25138011","dateCreated":"1276278024","smartDate":"Jun 11, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25138011"},"dateDigested":1532128349,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Thursday","description":"I'm a little confused about the ongoing feud with Deven. Why is D terrorizing the town? Simply because he's become a thug and this is what thugs do? And why has the narrator taken it upon himself to bring justice to the town? Why is it his responsibility?
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\nI get the sense that you're moving toward the big show down, and that will work well for a climax. When you can (perhaps in a response to this post), please remind me of the answers to my questions above.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"25152461","body":"answers are at the bottom of my now 15,000 word post on this site.","dateCreated":"1276361852","smartDate":"Jun 12, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"GungaChunga","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/GungaChunga","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"25013031","dateCreated":"1275957499","smartDate":"Jun 7, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25013031"},"dateDigested":1532128349,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"weekend post","description":"Joe:
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\nYou're story is starting to get a little sloppy; you need to focus a bit. You're allowing yourself to write long, wandering paragraphs, sometimes changing scenes and subjects mid-paragraph. Don't get lazy! You have an interesting plot and interesting characters, but if you just write and write and write without shaping it, you'll waste what you have.
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\nIt's important that you get to the main problem\/issue of your story ASAP. That will help stop some of the wandering. Also, pay more attention to paragraphing. Short paragraphs are always better than long ones in this type of writing. Finally, if you feel adrift, come see me and we can talk it over.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24853791","dateCreated":"1275436965","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24853791"},"dateDigested":1532128349,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"weekend post","description":"Interesting that you end with Dickens here, as this is what you're work is starting to resemble. (Your older brother's favorite author, as you know.) I'm starting to see that this story is becoming the portrait of a boy growing up and finding his way...yes? Is this what you intend? He encounters various obstacles along the way and slowly comes into his own. Yes?
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\nIf so, the structure is working, though it could be tightened. I'm not yet sure where you're headed. You could use a bit more drama and conflict to push the story forward so it doesn't end up seeming merely episodic and rambling. Start thinking about how you'll organize the middle part of the story--never too late for an outline. We'll be working on this in class on Thursday.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24826819","dateCreated":"1275395638","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24826819"},"dateDigested":1532128349,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"credit for second deadline","description":"45\/45 (4500 new words)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24721575","dateCreated":"1274991095","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24721575"},"dateDigested":1532128350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Thursday's post","description":"Interesting resolution to the visit; not what I expected. I wonder where his dad was when they got to the diner. Not important?
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\nI am getting a better sense of family dynamics however, and that, too, seems important to this story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24709425","dateCreated":"1274977113","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24709425"},"dateDigested":1532128350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wednesday's post","description":"I like where this is going; I can sense that something important is about to happen. I especially like how you've lingered over this diner scene, taking the time you need to make it engaging and realistic. I also like the anger between the boys and your narrator's insight into that anger.
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\nI'm eager to see who this man is and where the dad is now.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24647791","dateCreated":"1274890427","smartDate":"May 26, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24647791"},"dateDigested":1532128350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Tuesday post","description":"I like how you're starting of this adventure: kids setting off into a new, unfamiliar world in which they are bound to get lost and encounter new things. Great idea. You might consider doing some quick internet research on LA so that you can make their trek into the city more realistic; that info should be easy enough to come by.
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\nDon't forget to allow for some dialogue; that will help us get to know the two adventurers a little better.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24589115","dateCreated":"1274801995","smartDate":"May 25, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24589115"},"dateDigested":1532128350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Credit for week one","description":"1000 words (out of 2000) = 10\/20","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24427627","dateCreated":"1274384886","smartDate":"May 20, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24427627"},"dateDigested":1532128350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"More","description":"I like where you're going, but please slow down! You reduce a very powerful, painful father\/son confrontation scene to only a few sentences, and you give even less to the funeral. I know you want to get on to something else; I get the sense that this is only background. But these are good scenes! You have a chance to develop your characters here, give us a sense of who they really are--so take it. Internal monologues do help us to know your boy, but actions and interactions will help even more.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"24708101","body":"THats sort of the point of it being so rief, he doesn't remember it and he didn't linger on it s he does not make a point of great detail with it. It makes sense in my head...I think...","dateCreated":"1274975784","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"GungaChunga","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/GungaChunga","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}