{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"25217473","dateCreated":"1276646759","smartDate":"Jun 15, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25217473"},"dateDigested":1532128390,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Monday","description":"Wow! So much happened in your final post. You rushed the story a bit at the end, but I don't think his return home was as important to you has his combat experience. As I've written already, you've done a great job of writing about the war realistically and in a way that's quite compelling. I strongly urge you to print out a hard copy of this and save it for later reading. As you read more about the war, you might consider returning to this and revising it.
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\nIn many ways, this is your best piece of work all year: it's passionate, engaging, and well written. It's you at your best as a writer and thinker. It's a great way to end this year.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"25102941","dateCreated":"1276182549","smartDate":"Jun 10, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25102941"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wednesday's post","description":"Big development. Your writing is becoming a little sloppy: missed punctuation, over-stuffed paragraphs, and some proofreading errors--making it a little harder to read. I don't need perfection here, but do try to catch more of this.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"25033505","dateCreated":"1276013875","smartDate":"Jun 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25033505"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Monday","description":"You're great at writing these suspenseful scenes. You take plenty of time to lay out the details, and this brings the scene alive for me. I'm really impressed with how you're able to use details as you do. As I've written before, you write as if you really know what you're writing about.
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\nI'm a little confused about the main direction of the story at this point. What's the central problem that the plot is driving to deal with? I understand the general world that Pat must live in and deal with, but I'm less clear about the direction that you're story is taking. In other words, what's it building towards? (If you need help with this, let me know. If you're set, see if you can make your focus more evident.)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24840109","dateCreated":"1275412179","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24840109"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"weekend post","description":"You got a lot of great writing done this weekend; I'm impressed. How do you know so much about rifles and combat and snipers and ammunition? The details you include make the story seem incredibly realistic.
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\nI especially like how you slipped in the story about hunting with his dad and the tragedy that ensued. This helps me get a much better sense of who this guy is. I'm not quite sure where your story is going yet, though. It might be time to define it as you move to the middle of the tale. What will the focus be? what problem or question will you raise? It's nearly time to move out of the exposition section and into the development of the central conflict.
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\nLet me know if you need help. You're doing a great job with this so far.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24826257","dateCreated":"1275394820","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24826257"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"credit for second deadline","description":"45\/45 (4500 new words)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24710853","dateCreated":"1274978651","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24710853"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wednesday's post","description":"...and so the attack begins. You're doing a great job with making the military lingo work and capturing the feel of an impending attack. How you're able to do this, I have no idea, but it's working. I also like the fact that you're developing your characters a bit here. As the action begins, I'll have a clearer idea of who they are.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24681121","dateCreated":"1274921571","smartDate":"May 26, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24681121"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wednesday's post","description":"I know you're just building up background now, but jump ahead to some dialogue as soon as you can. You'll find that much easier to write and it will help move your story forward. If you have all of this background in your head, get it down...but when you can, bring in some action and dialogue so I can get to know the guy.
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\nThe premise, though, is great.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24616531","dateCreated":"1274834112","smartDate":"May 25, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24616531"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Tuesday's post","description":"Please! Paragraphs! when you write in one, long paragraph, it's hard to read and it's harder for you to control the writing. You're smashing several good scenes together into one big mush. Take your time to develop the scenes slowly. Dialogue! Action! Using short paragraphs will force you to do more of this.
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\nThe premise is terrific. Do it justice by writing a bit more carefully.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24582819","dateCreated":"1274795973","smartDate":"May 25, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24582819"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Monday post","description":"I really like where this is going. Writing about a marine in Iraq will give you a ton to write about. You might consider reading a few news articles and checking out a few web sites to help you get specific details and information that will make your story more realistic...but the start is solid.
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\nAs you move forward, be thinking about characters you can introduce and develop alongside your main character. That will add depth--and it will give you more of a source for dialogue.
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\nSo far, 1300 words = 13\/20","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24517183","dateCreated":"1274659473","smartDate":"May 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24517183"},"dateDigested":1532128391,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Opening","description":"Neat opening! I already have a sense of Pat, his family, and his situation. You also have plenty that you can explain later: the girl friend; the missing dad; the choice of the Marines; his ambitions. I look forward to learning more about them.
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\nI'll comment more when you get further along.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}