{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"25218133","dateCreated":"1276648252","smartDate":"Jun 15, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25218133"},"dateDigested":1532128400,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Tuesday","description":"I again forgot that I wasn't getting notifications from your posting, so I fell behind. But this allowed me to read a lot of your novella at one time, and I think I got more out of it that way.
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\nThe new formatting of the character and time shifts make a huge difference. For starters, it made it much, much easier for me to follow the plot line, but, more than that, it allowed the other characters to emerge as more than bit players (and this is certainly so of Mackie, by the end). While it's clear that the focus of this story is on your protagonist, it's also clear that you see the roles of others in her life (in ways that are both positive and, sometimes, negative). This filled out the story for me.
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\nAs I've written before, there is so much that's disturbing about it--and, to be honest, it freaks me out a little that you write about this stuff with such emotion and realism. You are able to go inside this world, beyond the superficial portrayals that we see on TV, and capture some of the underlying trauma and conflict and psychology of someone who's struggling with this disease. This is a sympathetic portrait, but also a realistic one, of someone who is in great pain, almost torment, because of a problem that's out of her control. You capture this quite vividly.
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\nSo, in some ways, I'm sorry I didn't respond to your writing earlier on, in other ways, I'm glad I got to read the final portions in one sitting. This made them much more powerful and important. This story deserves more consideration, and I hope you print out a copy for yourself and save it to read when you're older. It's worth coming back to, and the characters are worthy of even more thought. You've brought her alive. I don't think you'll be able to walk away from her so easily.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"25076693","dateCreated":"1276110652","smartDate":"Jun 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/25076693"},"dateDigested":1532128400,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wednesday","description":"First off, sorry for taking so long to comment. Somehow I failed to notice that you'd posted. As I mentioned earlier, the story you're telling here is a powerful one, and it's clear as you go on that you have a lot of insight into the psychological struggles that someone who suffers with anorexia goes through. This out of control feeling that you describe at the end of the most recent posting is absolutely right, and the other details about her--driven, perfectionist, athletic, attractive, stressed at home--fit in with the typical profile.
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\nAs I mentioned in class, it's sometimes a bit difficult to follow your shifts from one character to another. You might consider marking them (putting in a name in bold, for example), unless you have a clear reason for wanting the characters to overlap and blur a little.
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\nI'm also wondering about all of the insights she has about her own struggles. Is she writing this after she recovers or while she's in the midst of the struggle? At times, you seem to go back and forth.
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\nBut these are small points. The writing is quite compelling because the story is so powerful...and troubling. I'm impressed with all of your insights--not just into anorexia but also into how others cope with someone who has this illness.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24825863","dateCreated":"1275394223","smartDate":"Jun 1, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24825863"},"dateDigested":1532128400,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"credit for second deadline","description":"20\/40 (2000 new words)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24576247","dateCreated":"1274788978","smartDate":"May 25, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24576247"},"dateDigested":1532128400,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Monday post","description":"Ava: Bringing in the brother as an alternate narrator was a great idea; consider doing this with other characters in H's life as well. It would help if you labeled the change in narration, however. At first, this was a little confusing.
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\nI urge you to start writing about more of H's life. What else is going on in her life that might be motivating her to starve herself? What pressures is she facing? what's up with her parents? You want to help us understand why she's doing this, why she's so focused on her body. Does she have any friends? how does she do in school?
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\n(You might want to do a tiny bit of internet research on anorexia before you keep writing; it's clear that you already know a lot about it, but it might be helpful to find out more about the psychology of an anorexic.)
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\nFirst deadline (2000) met = 20\/20","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24480783","dateCreated":"1274474615","smartDate":"May 21, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"Misterfischer","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Misterfischer","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1259541818\/Misterfischer-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/bhsnovellas.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24480783"},"dateDigested":1532128401,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Opening","description":"Ava: I'm a little confused. Do you have two narrators here? The speaker for paragraph 3 (and perhaps for some of the others) seems like a different person. If so, you need a little more obvious way to make it clear that you're switching narrators. You might even simply put it in bold when you want to identify who's talking.
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\nI get the sense that you already understand this girl, and your task is going to be to help us understand her. Be thinking about stories you can have her tell, not just about starving herself but about the forces that push her to act this way. What does she do in her life? what's her life like? family? friends? ambitions? goals? See if you can help us understand her motivation.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}